Butt Pimples
by Kuroya-hime
Summary: Crack warning:  "I have a pimple on my butt." Fran said non-chalantly.


**Ok gonna be gross and crude here but does anyone else get butt pimples? XD yeah I know I'm gonna get yelled at by somebody for being disgusting by oh well... I have a pimple onthe side of my butt and it really sucks when a chair is hard and it's just an akward feeling... It kinda hurts too... Anyway... That's exactly the idea for this one shot...yeah... I'll shut up now... But I do love how my iPod recognizes and auto corrects the entire Varia's name except for Levi's... It tries to correct it to Lavi XD Shows you what my life is like…**

"Itai!" Fran shot up from his seat a little. Everyone at the dinner table looked over expecting to see one of Bel's tiara shaped knifes in his arm. "Goddamn chair."

"Voi? What? your ass hurts?" Squalo growled.

"Ooooh, Fraaaaan~" Lussuria put a hand to his mouth and made a duck-lip-face.

"What?" the mint haired assassin deadpanned as usual.

"Ushishishi..." Bel said as he stabbed at his linguini and scooped it into his mouth with his knife. "The prince knows what they mean."

"They're implying you had gay butt sex!" Fucking Levi A. fucking Than said obnoxiously with a proud look his ugly face.

"Oh..." Fran looked down at his food and picked and it a bit. After a moment he shoved a forkful into his mouth and said. "Buff fwhy woud mah buff urf from fat?" (Ht why would my butt hurt from that?)

"W-well..." The ugly mustache thing stuttered. "When one man loves another man very much..."

"Shut the fuck up. I don't need sex Ed from you." The illusionist's monotone voice droned out. "I meant why would MY ass be the one hurting?" everyone stopped eating for a moment. "Itaitaitai..." The blonde prince was poking one of his knives into Fran's cheek.

"Don't go there froggy." Bel growled.

"Why fake-prince-Sempai?" there was a hint of mischief in that blank face. "Does your butt hurt, I though you liked it rough?"

"VOII!"

"Oh ho~" The Gaylord giggled. He was the lord of gays after all.

"I. WILL. KILL. YOU." he said menacingly as the blade dug into the pale check of Fran.

"Ah, I'm scared." he said flatly.

"BEL'S THE UKE?" Levi A. Douche blurted out. The entire mansion went silence for a moment.

"I have a pimple on my butt." Fran said non-chalantly after a minute.

The Varia was still silent.

"VOOII! WAS IT NECESSARY TO SAY THAT AT DINNER?" The screaming silver haired shark screeched.

"Well you all seemed to want to know why my ass hurt." The green haired male went back to slurping on his food. "Sho I tolf yu." (So I told you.) Loud slams resonated through the dining room as a certain prince the ripper's head connected with the table repeatedly. "Ne, if Sempai continues to do that he might become even stupider and crazier. "Kero." The expected knife planted itself into Fran's froggy hat.

"Fuck you,Froggy." Bel hissed loudly.

"I shall."

"AH! They're gonna have butt sex!" The shit headed mustache yelled as he pointed at the two.

"No shit, Sherlock." Fran stared blankly at him.

"Hey! Bossu! Fran's being mean to me!"

"Shut the fuck up trash." Xanxus glared after he washed down his food with a gulp of wine. "What're you in the fucking grade?" Levi shrank back a little.

"I never went to fifth grade... I was too busy killing people." Bel grinned creepily.

"Nobody gives a fuck!" Levi tried to be snarky but evidently failed.

"I give a fuck." Fran didn't look up from his food. "I give him multiple fucks all night long." He took a bite and swallowed. "I'm surprised you don't hear. Fake prince-sempai's loud."

"SHUT THE HELL UP FROG!" A dark blush was peeking from under Bel's long blonde bangs.

"Ah, Frog. Harder. Fuck me harder. Put it all in. Ah, ah." Fran mimicked the prince's sex sounds without emotion. More knives shot into his hat.

"Well Levi and I's rooms are pretty far from yours so we wouldn't hear but Xanxus and Squalo..." Lussuria trailed off. "Oh, maybe it's that Squalo is loud in bed too?"

"VOOOOOII!" he sprayed wine from his mouth and shrieked simotaniously.

"Of course he trash is. You see him normally." Xanxus said calmly as he drank more wine. Both Squalo and Bel had dark red blushes across their face from the exploitation of their sexual behaviors. Of course Lussuria had a little red on his face too, but that was from the wine the silver haired commander had spit out violently. "He's ten times as loud cumming."

"VOOOOOOOIII!"

"I guess your right..." The peacock haired man sighed, ignoring the frantic screaming of Squalo. "Oh? Where'd Levi go?" everyone looked over the side of the table to see the mustache man foaming at the mouth as he twitched on the ground. " Probably from shock." Lussuria said before returning to his meal.

"I hope he dies." Fran said. Everyone mumbled in agreement. The Varia was silent for some time as they ate sans the occasional whimper from the lighting guardian. As he whiped the bit of the sauce from the side of his mouth Fran shifted in his seat and said, "Butt pimples hurt."


End file.
